Learn to Awaken Your Mind...You must first want to help yourself.

Simplicity…that is the goal. It has been said that the greatest and most rewarding things in life are simple…a smile when you’re feeling down, a beautiful sunset after a hard day’s work, or a touch from a loved one to show that they are thinking of you. All of these things can totally change the way you feel throughout the day. However, making things simple seems to come at a great cost, and that cost is breaking the mold of our comfortable complexity.

First of all, we complicate things because we think that our lives are so deep and complex that only a complicated answer will do the trick of solving our problems. We also love our egos and the perceived notion that our problems are so important that only a complicated solution will suffice in many ways helps validate our over-inflated egos. People also individualize many of their problems, believing that many times they are the only ones feeling and going through any given specific problem. The fact of the matter is, we are not alone in our feelings, and the feelings we do experience are very similar to that of any other person’s. If you think about it, we are all pretty much doing the same thing. We all are striving, in one way or another, to survive from one day to the next. We all get up everyday with a job to do…a set of agendas that need to be met for the survival of the day. Even the laziest person in the world still has to lazily forage for food and water, ensuring his or her survival for the day. So, at the most basic levels of our human existence we are all, every single one of us, looking to survive from day to day. Unfortunately, our human condition beckons us for more, and this is where our problems with stress start.

If we can somehow figure out how to care for ourselves from day to day, which is usually rather easy for the majority of us, we then are compelled to extend ourselves to helping those closest to us who are resourcefully less fortunate than us. Usually that means helping our family and closest friends. The most immediate of those we help are our children, our elder family members, and those members of our close-knit social group that would not fair well if left to meet their daily survival requirements by themselves.

This seemingly obvious observation is the first of many social orders that directly lead to the complication and stresses we feel in our personal lives. As social animals, it is important that we realize that these feelings of social responsibility are inherent to all of us and we all, to one extent or another, feel this same basic emotion. Contrary to popular belief, we are only one of a long list of mammals and animals that feel and practice that same emotion. So remember, we practice social behaviors because we are social animals, and the need to help those less fortunate, who have it worse than our present personal situation, is inherent to us all and is one of the major reasons why our species has flourished. Yet out of all the different species of animals that practice this same behavior, we are the only species that is majorly affected by its emotional underpinnings. So the very condition that defines us as human beings is the very condition that causes us a majority of stress. The question then becomes: How can we live with these inherent feelings and simultaneously learn to deal with our own personal survival?

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The answer to this question, as you may have already figured out from the title of this section, is to simplify your life by learning Critical Thinking. Ironically enough, the very act of simplifying your life will more than likely be the hardest thing you ever try to do. Unlearning disorganization and complication, which are behaviors that have been instilled in us from a very young age and are practiced on a daily basis within our society, suddenly becomes a huge chore of its own.

The concept of simplifying one's life is not a new concept and for ages it has been taught by people of higher learning; Shaman, Priests and Elders have taught these skills for centuries. Yet it is only a handful of people who benefit from these teachings. Ironically, learning to simplify one's life is not at all simple. Technology and globalization continue to grow exponentially as does our hectic pace of life. That is why it is so important now, more then ever, that we as humans learn to moderate our behaviors as well as our thoughts, to better be able to cope with increased stresses.

So how do we do this??? Well, the answer isn’t in just one statement; it’s a combination of ideas and beliefs that will work best for you. I like to think of the saying, which I’ve heard so many times said to me, which is, “You can’t see the forest for the trees.” And I also believe it can be said the other way around as well, “You can’t see the trees for the forest.” It is in those simple remarks that you can find the answer, and the answer is focus moderation. We must all learn to refocus our perspective in a very dynamic way as things are happening to us and around us.

Sure, we live in a world of cycles and patterns, but no situation is ever the same twice. For that very reason, it is only logical to understand that it is impossible to have the same answer for any two similar problems. However, the sad fact is that we are taught that we can. All this is done in an effort to save time and be more efficient; however, we couldn’t be more wrong. Once again, we are taught to do this from a very young age and since we don’t learn a better way, we end up passing it on to subsequent generations, ensuring that their inability to problem solve will be there to haunt them too.

The refocusing of our perspective in daily situations is the key to simplification, and moderation in our actions is the key to understanding a more balanced way of looking at things. Another saying I love to use not only for myself, but also as a reference to help others is, “Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should do it.” To me this statement holds a lot of power. Understanding your abilities and knowing when to use them is a major key to reducing your stress. For example, let’s take a situation at work, where you have the ability to really make an adversary look bad, or you are provided with the opportunity to really publicly embarrass an impolite co-worker. This co-worker has been nothing but rude and impolite to you and others and, unbeknownst to him, he has made a mistake that has opened up an opportunity to publicly embarrass him. Well, the question becomes, do you take this opportunity to show this person that you are no one to be messed with, or do you take the high road and let it slide? We all know that the high road is the socially proper thing to do, but the wrong perspective on this can cause just as much stress as not taking the high road. You also know that if you embarrass this person for their errors you will be sending a message to others that you are not to be messed with, and it will also make you feel better knowing you took matters into your own hands to alleviate the feeling of stress that this person puts you through on a daily basis. Both options have their good points and bad points…so what do you do..?? This is where I always look at the benefits for me and my survival. If my actions today will in any way negatively affect my outcome for survival tomorrow, I always moderate my actions so that the outcome, from an emotional stand point, benefits me in the future. Some may say this is selfish, but I say it’s survival…and wanting to survive in the best, most positive manner sometimes makes us do the right thing.

Look at the roads that lie ahead of your decision. If you embarrass this person, you may be starting a war that will have to be fought for a long time. This war has the possibility to create stressful situations with other co-workers and the possibility of starting other little skirmishes. To take this road, you have to be willing to deal with the consequences that you may be creating by taking this path. One good thing is that you will be seen as a person who is proactively paying attention, not to mention that people won’t be so quick to cross you as they now know you have no problem vocalizing your thoughts. Looking at the other road, you are faced with the option of dropping the opportunity to retaliate and everything stays the same. You are still being harassed by this person and some one else may see this as an opportunity for themselves and take it instead of you. All this can, in the future, make you seem weak and unreliable while the person who took the opportunity to expose the problem has at least portrayed themselves in a proactive manner. Don’t forget, however, that they will also be privy to all the negative actions we spoke about earlier.

This is where learning to fully weigh your options, by looking dynamically at the different prospective for both present and future, and learning to see which option yields the most positive and stress free future, comes into play. At first, this may all seem like you’re over thinking things, but as time goes by, you will learn to do this faster and the answers will come to you almost instantly. Remember, it’s all about your survival and your happiness. While analyzing our problems, we have to keep in mind it is all about survival and about what will cause us the least amount of stress in the present as well as in the immediate future. This is important to remember because it’s not our jobs or our financial situation, or the type of car we drive, or the size of our houses that puts us in an early grave…it’s what we do to try to maintain or acquire these things that gives us the stress that puts us in an early grave. I am fully convinced that it is the choices we make, and whether or not those choices provide us with a positive emotional outcome, that truly dictates our future. If we can learn to simplify and moderate our actions in the present, with the constant goal of obtaining a positive outcome, then our lives in the future will benefit from the rewards of our good choices.

Ok… back to our example. The route I would choose would be the route that would give ME the most positive outcome. If standing up to this person would alleviate more stress than it would create, then that’s what I would do. If this was a job that I was going to be in for a long time, and if I knew that showing myself to be a preemptive worker would someday better my possibility for advancement, then this action would be warranted regardless of the extra stresses that may be created by taking this route. The reduction in immediate stress, by standing up for myself now while at the same time showing my inner strength, would more then outweigh the extra stresses that may be generated by taking this action. Depending on how I went about exacting this scenario, I would be placing myself in a situation of respect and authority which would hopefully, one day, put me in a position to further my career within the company. The flip side to that coin would be if I let the situation slide, because I knew that I would not be at this job for very long and that a good reference from this job would benefit me more positively in the future by getting a better job with a company that is a better fit for me. So no matter how tempting the proposition would be to really let this person have it, the total outcome would not benefit me ultimately in the future, and no amount of positive short-lived glory now is worth any possible negative outcomes in the future.

Please remember that this is not an exact science. However, as time goes by and you relearn to think more critically, the decisions will come a lot faster and with much better results. As imperfect humans we will always make mistakes; its learning to mitigate those mistakes and constantly looking for better outcomes that will make us happier, less stressful, and more productive people.

For more on moderation through refocusing, and for a more in-depth discussion, please visit our “Moderation through Refocusing” section.

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